I don't know where or when, but I've recently realized that somehow in the processs of living my life I've become Fred Flintstone. I am, in a word, practical. I have a wardrobe of simple, classic pieces that stay in style from season to season. I have two pairs of shoes; one brown, one black. I've had the same hair color and style for the last 10 years. I go to work every day, put my feet up on my days off, and am learning to be a good provider for the family I am building. Yabba dabba doo. Minus the loincloth and bowling hobby.

It is through living with my partner that I've come to recognize my inner Flintstone. If I am Fred, then more to point she is my Wilma, coiffed hair, coy giggle and shopping addiction included. She spends more on having her hair done in a month than I have in my lifetime to date. She has 250 pairs of shoes to my two, owns handbags that are more expensive than my car, and assures me that it is I who is living in the stone age when I question why it is again that she can't possibly be seen in the $245 jeans she bought four months ago.

Consider a typical Saturday afternoon conversation.

Julie: Quiet, reading a book on the couch

Gf: *LOUD SIGH*

Julie: looks up at partner, who is well into hour two of ebay shopping, then goes back to her book

Gf: *LOUDER SIGH*

Julie: Everything okay honey?

GF: Yes.

Julie: Great! Goes back to book.

Gf: It's just...LOUD SIGH.

Julie: I thought everything was great?

Gf: It is.

Julie: Great! Picks up book again, reads the same sentance for the 8th time.

Gf: It would be even greater if only...

Julie: LOUD SIGH

Gf: What? You asked!

Julie: You're right. What is it?

Gf: LOUD SIGH. If only I had a new pair of jeans.

Julie: You have 20 pairs of jeans already. They look great on you, honey. Nobody wears a pair of jeans like you.

Gf: Thanks baby. LOUD SIGH. bats eyelashes. If only...

Julie: You just bought a pair of $200 jeans three weeks ago. Where are they?

Gf: I wore them already.

Julie: And?

Gf: knowing Julie is starting down a dangerous line of questioning. Turns laptop screen. Just look at these. They're so hot! Wouldn't my ass look really hot in these? shakes ass a little to demonstrate.

Julie: Yes, they would. Your ass always looks hot. Espeically in those jeans, because they look just like the jeans you just bought.

Gf: Those were True Religion. These are Antik. They're completely different.

Julie: Jeans are jeans.

Gf: clutches heart and gasps in horror

Julie: Do you have the money for these jeans, being that they seem to be the new life and death item in your life?

Gf: giggles and slides into Julie's lap.

Julie: LOUDER SIGH

GF: I was thinking...

Julie: rolls eyes

Gf: I have half now, and being that you got paid yesterday, and I don't get paid until next week... wiggles ass suggestively while talking

Julie: Do you plan on campaigning all week until I give in?

GF: Of course. giggles AND we could make a night out of it. You know you've been wanting to try that French place on W 5th. It IS right next to [insert boutique here].

Julie: SIGH. Where's my keys?

GF: heads into the bedroom for shoes. I don't have any shoes to wear with them. We're going to have to stop in [insert shoe store here] while we're out too...

It isn't that I don't know exactly what she's doing when she's angling for a shopping trip. It's just that her pout is too sexy. Is her spending justfied because she works in the fashion and entertainment industries and her career success is directly related her ability to fit in and keep up with the Jonses? Possibly. Does that matter in the face of the impact it has on her (and, by proxy MY) wallet? Doubtful. Will I continue to induldge her flirtatious shopping requests and fashionista lifestye?

Yeah. Happiness is like that.

Meanwhile, yabba dabbo doo.

¶ 12:04 PM 0 comments